Having my walk and Breakfast too!

 Me and my homegirl wanted to start walking at 5:00 in the morning. She’s expecting and I am post baby, so we both agreed it would do our bodies good. The first day was SO relaxing, the sunrise, no baby tagging along, just us girls chatting it up. After our walk we took our time and went to the salad bar at the grocery store, we sat down, and enjoyed breakfast. On the way back to my apartment, I felt refreshed, relieved, free and ready to take on the day with my 6 month old monster. lol. As I approach my door I hear my BOTH my babies in distress! I open to the door to find my frazzled boyfriend anxiously waiting my arrival with crying baby in hand! UUUGGH! Immediately, I felt bad, guilty, even irresponsible!! “I should have pumped some milk, what was I thinking just leaving?? I shouldn’t have had breakfast!!” So I took my son and nursed him back to sleep and carried on with my mommy duties, completely forgetting I agreed to let my stress drift away with the 5:30 sunrise. Up again the next day my friend and I meet up outside. I promptly explain I couldn’t be long. Of course she understood. We commenced with our walk, chatting it up once again, but I wasn’t really taking the time to enjoy it. I found myself checking my watch each block, making sure I wasn’t too far from my place, incase I had to RUN back. And of course a nice sit down breakfast was out of the question! Silly me! I skipped it! Only to return home to my baby AND sleeping boyfriend. SMH! WTH? I was tripping for nothing! You mean I could have gotten my coffee, and the fresh fruit and big ass biscuit  I’d lusted for and returned my to my home as I left it?? I told myself NEVER again! The next morning I started out with a new attitude. I told my friend we didn’t have to rush today and that we were getting breakfast! I wasn’t about to feel bad like I did the first day even if I did return home to my whining family! This is the only “me” time I really get during the day, and I needed to enjoy it and cherish it! I realized that my boys will be ok! The baby will not starve and my boyfriend is capable of calming the baby without me being around. It was new to them both, but now they’re gonna have to me having my having my walk and breakfast too!

This may sound familiar to many new mothers, especially the guilt that comes along with wanting more personal time if you really care about your child. Its hard to balance at first and it seems no one but other moms understand this need. That first day I went walking, my sons father never once said I took too long or that he needed help, It was me feeling as if I’d given myself too much freedom. Being a stay at home mother, is more work than I could have ever imagine, a blessing but work nonetheless. I feel like the father playing the role of  “bread winner”, feels entitled to the word ‘stress’ more than us moms. We understand the pressure for them to want to take care of their families and all, but our role as the caregiver and nurturer makes it easy to lose ourselves as an individual.

Share you’re thoughts on the stresses of motherhood! Have you ever felt guilty when you’ve gotten the chance to get away?


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