When Talking in Front of Your Child Goes Wrong!

Over the weekend we took Vida to the local pool, as many other families did. As I was playing with Vida in the water a little girl approached us, wanting to play with Vida. Of course she was asking lots of questions like “what’s her name?, what’s my name? how old is she?, and could she hold her?”. It was very cute! However it was when she asked where Vida’s daddy was, it became interesting. After I pointed to him on the side of the pool, she began telling me how after she grows up and has her baby that she’s gonna leave the father because she won’t need a man! I then asked her, why she didn’t want a husband for her and her baby, and she didn’t answer.

Now if you don’t see anything wrong with her comments, perhaps your on the wrong website! As a black woman who is pro-family, it truly saddened me to hear a young 8 year old black girl obviously regurgitating what she hears her mother, grandmother, or aunties say. Her statements brought a couple questions to me, such as, why is her mother or whoever having such adult conversations around her? Does she have a father or  male presence around to counter these teachings? When I spoke with my sister about what happened, she told me that a little black boy told her that he was gonna just leave the baby with its mother because he didn’t need to be there. Now I’m not going to assume all black folks are teaching their children these things. They could be learning it from tv, or friend’s family, or their family members… but as adults shouldn’t we be more cognizant of what children hear us discussing?

Too many times I have witnessed friend’s mothers, and even my very own mother (RIP) trash talk their children’s father in front of the children. I am here to tell you ladies and gentlemen just in case you didn’t know, that that shit is NOT ok! Regardless if the other parent is not the best or is the worst person ever, do not discuss the issues you have with them in front of your child or children! If you are a single mother or father, do not allow your child to believe that single parenthood is a normal thing. Yes being a single parent happens in our society due to a ton of reasons, but that is not a burden for our children to bear. We need to teach our children that having a spouse to raise children is very important, and its good for everybody. Why perpetuate that slave mentality!? Yes I said “slave mentality” or like my father says accepting “mediocrity”.

It is up to us as parents to set examples for our children. There is no need to teach them that they will have to endure parenting alone. There are already too many missing fathers out there in our communities, so there is no need to perpetuate that at an early age. Let’s uplift our children, and teach them how to be good to others, show them love, so that they can love others. Give them a chance to not automatically expect that their future relationships will go horribly wrong. I hope that is not too much to ask for?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cindy
    Jun 26, 2012 @ 22:52:55

    As you know I volunteer at a local group called CORAS, it is a group of professional women are reaching out to our youth and we are teaching these young couples about their bodies and being pregnant and what it means to have a charge in their young life that will be there for a life time. I am glad to say last night at graduation several father’s showed even with not being married to their baby’s mama, It truly was emotional too see because they seemed ready to step-up and try to be parents

    Reply

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